Sugar-Coated Daydreams

This week I made a life decision. A decision that took months of consideration, contemplation, and reflection. A decision that will, in many ways, alter the course of my life forever.

This week I quit graduate school.

Somewhere along the way I lost my passion for physics. Sometimes I wonder if I even had one at all. I love science in the way a child loves science--it's full of mystery and the unexplained. There is something inherently magical about it, like why magnets stick to the refrigerator or how paper airplanes can fly across the room. I loved learning the simple and elegant explanations for the everyday physics in my life.

But when physics broke down into equations full of Greek symbols and endless computer programming (as it invariably will), my curiosity was lost. The magic was gone. There was a disconnect from the wonder I experienced as a child and the reality of the situation I was in now. I was not enjoying what I was doing. I didn't want to do this for another five minutes, much less the rest of my life. I was positively miserable and outright unhappy.

And then something clicked.

I didn't have to do this to myself. It sounds obvious, right? But when you are so far down the rabbit hole, it isn't. I had thoughts of dropping out of school, but they were nothing but the far off fantasies of a good daydream--just out of reach and reality. But this time, when the light bulb flashed above my head, I realized this could be my reality. It wasn't out of reach. It was real and tangible and the appeal was so strong I could scarcely think straight. I am going to quit graduate school. I am going to pursue something I am passionate about. It was the most beautiful thought, the most significant mantra, I had ever felt or believed.

At the same time my misery in physics grew, my passion for food and baking flourished. I spent my lunch hours poring over food and photography websites. I longingly daydreamed up new recipes in meetings. I sketched detailed 3-tiered wedding cakes during lectures. My coworkers were fed hundreds of dollars worth of various treats. I spent an (embarrassing) large amount of time with this website. My heart had been completely captured by baking, sweets, and desserts. There was no turning back. Butter and sugar are going to be somewhere in my future, I knew that much.

I think we sometimes fit ourselves into molds. These molds can come from our current circumstances, family or friends' expectations of us, or expectations we have for ourselves. In my case, it was a combination of all three. I had an idealistic view of who I thought I should be instead of who I actually am. I was forcing myself into a mold that wasn't right for me. I didn't fit and I was miserable because of it. I was never meant to be an astroparticle physicistand that's okay.

It is absolutely okay to try something, to give it an honest shot, and realize that it isn't right for you. For some reason, our society frowns upon this. Quitting has been given such negative connotations. Society immediately wants to equate you with being a "failure" or "disappointment," which is not a true or fair assumption. I believe it is more honorable to quit something that makes you truly miserable and focus your energy towards something that might just make you happy. There is nothing particularly virtuous about sticking it out to the bitter, bitter end months or years from now.

After such a drastic career change, I find myself comforting others more than myself. You don't have to feel sorry for me. You don't have to apologize that it didn't work out. You don't have to worry about my future. And please, oh please, don't you lament to me that I'm making a "big mistake." Everything will be okay. Trust me.

Life decisions can be a mixed bag of emotions (and that is the understatement of the year). But they can also be such a source of relief, of happiness, and of excitement. The world feels brighter and a lot less gloomy. And, best of all, I no longer have to pretend that I am someone I am not. I'm sick of pretending. I've done enough pretending for a lifetime. Though I still have moments of absolute terror in which I wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life, I have never been more excited about my future. So, world? Bring it on. I'm ready.

Cupcake Camp Montreal 2010

I participated in Cupcake Camp Montreal this year! Cupcake Camp Montreal is a charity event, raising money through cupcake donations and those who will pay to eat them. This year's charities were Kids Help Phone and La Tablée des Chefs, both worthy causes. Almost 21,000 cupcakes were donated and thousands came to gobble them up (so much so that over 4,000 people had to wait outside in the cold to get in!). Over $31,000 was raised, making Cupcake Camp Montreal a rousing (and tasty) success!

There were crowds and crowds of people on sugar highs, so navigating through the tables of cupcakes was a challenge. Claustrophobics beware! But if you are willing to face the hoards of people, you will have one sweet, sweet reward. I couldn't get over how many cupcakes were in one place at one time. And how are you supposed to choose which to eat? Impossible! I managed to find a few to devour (after a long and thorough search for the best). Absolutely a deliciously worthwhile time.

Cupcake Camp Montreal wasn't only a giant bake sale, it was also a baking competition! I donated 50 cupcakes for the cause and entered my cupcakes into both the Amateur Taste and Amateur Design categories. The cupcakes are subjected to a preliminary round of judging by a panel of qualified cooking instructors. Those that survive the cut are then judged by a panel of celebrity judges, including the likes of Chuck Hughes, Nadia G, Ricardo Larrivée, and Patrice Demers. Guess who made the cut for design?

My cupcake is aptly named the "Please, Sir, Can I Have S'more?" and features a graham cracker cupcake stuffed with marshmallow filling, covered in dark chocolate, and topped with a toasted marshmallow meringue. Isn't that a mouthful? For now I'm just going to tease you with the photograph (but the recipe will be coming soon so you can stop your protests of outrage).

The finalists were placed on a special judging table and laid out for all to see. I was shocked to find mine among them (but oh so proud on the inside). It's right there in the middle! I even posed for a picture with it. Don't judge. You'd do the same.

The design finalists were all so gorgeous. You could tell people spent a lot of time getting them just right.

I didn't win, but I was just happy to be named among the finalists. I was also happy my friends (and fellow cupcake supporters) had counted themselves among the attendees (though I imagine it wasn't

too

hard to accept an invitation to an absolutely indulgent cupcake extravaganza).

Jean-Talon Market

If I were Alice, the Jean-Talon Market would be my Wonderland. Located in Montreal, Quebec, it is a huge year-round farmer's market filled with every fruit and vegetable imaginable. It stocks rows and rows of some of the freshest produce around. It could take hours to simply stroll through. Once you enter the market, you are immersed in a world of sights, smells, and, best of all, tastes. Bring your appetite.

Upon entering the market, you are immediately greeted by booths selling everything from pastries and polish doughnuts to crepes and samosas. You will want a snack when undertaking farmer's market this large, trust me. There are spice shops. Specialty olive oils (with samples!). Shops with unique frozen desserts. And this is all before you reach the real focus of the market—the fresh produce.

There are stands of all sizes, shapes, and colors. My favorite ones have free samples. While one may have the juiciest peaches, the next may hold the ripest tomatoes. Taste testing fruits and vegetables for quality before I buy is something I could definitely get used to.

The vegetable selection is immense. There are chili peppers, bell peppers (in every color), eggplant, green beans, artichokes, garlic, greens of all shades and textures, asparagus, radishes, leeks, onions, potatoes, pumpkins, herbs, and more. Much more.

The fruit selection is also intimidating with strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries, cherries, pears, peaches, nectarines, grapes, plums, lemons, limes, tomatoes, apples, oranges... the list goes on and on.

And, if you are lucky, you might just stumble upon freshly made pasta sauce, ready for you to take home.

Or a cooking demonstration here or there.

There is always something new to learn when going to the market. In my limited Midwest knowledge of vegetables, there are (surprise, surprise) gaps in my produce recognition. For instance, I did not realize cauliflower could actually be, well, colorful! Vibrant yellows, pale greens, and vivid purples. Does this mean each color has its own unique taste? I might just have to find out.

And further still, some vegetables were just puzzling. This spiky little root left me with lots of questions about its mysterious identity. I shall call it an enigma vegetable until I can place its proper name.

Though the produce may glow with all the colors of the rainbow, there is something to be said about a dull, dirt covered root. Picked that morning, they come straight from the ground, still covered in their dirty little birthday suits.